Pastimes: The Art of Strategic Small Talk

Pastimes: The Art of Strategic Small Talk

Mastering the art of pastimes—or strategic small talk—is a critical business skill. It requires you to be a well-rounded professional, genuinely curious about a wide range of topics, so you can effortlessly find common ground with any client.

It’s a significant advantage if you discover a shared interest with a client, but this should never feel forced. Authenticity is key. Your personality should be multifaceted, allowing you to engage the client with the facet that resonates with them.

This principle is brilliantly illustrated in a story by the renowned psychotherapist Milton Erickson.

"How to scratch a pig"

One summer, I was selling books to pay for my college tuition. Around five in the evening, I walked into a farmyard and struck up a conversation with a farmer about buying books. And then he said to me, "Young man, I don't read anything. I don't need to read anything. I just love to mess around with my pigs."

I asked him, "Would you mind if I stood nearby and talked to you while you're busy with them?" "Talk all you want, kid," he said, "but it won't do you any good. I'm not going to pay any attention to you. You can see I'm busy feeding the pigs."

And so I started talking about my books. Being a farm boy, I automatically picked up a couple of stones that were lying nearby and, while talking, began scratching the pigs' backs with them.

The farmer looked at me, stopped, and said, "Whoever this man is, if he knows how to scratch a pig's back so that it enjoys it, he's already interesting to me. How about having dinner with me tonight? And you can stay the night. No need for money, and don't worry, I'll buy your books. You love pigs. You know how they love to be scratched."